Letters to Baby, 6

Dearest N~,

You're 2 years and one month now, and you're learning things at rapid speed. You talk really well now, trying to say things more clearly than before and picking up new words all the time. It's really quite amazing. You have so much personality too. You're currently obsessed with trains and cars, and you love books. Especially ones with ducks in them. Your favorite is still Curious George. You have favorite pieces of clothing. You love hugs. I can't tell you how happy your dad and I are whenever we get hugs and kisses from you.

I'm trying to find a job right now, which means we hope to have you back in daycare soon. Part of me dreads it, though, because we've become very attached to each other. When Daddy's at school, you and I are pretty much all each other has. And while that can be very difficult for the both of us, I know that means we've come to depend on each other emotionally. Since turning two, you've become especially shy around new people and you get separation anxiety at night when it's time for you to go to sleep. I dread the day when I'll have to leave you with virtual strangers while I work. I know it'll be good for you. You'll be around kids your age and learn to interact with them better. Hopefully you'll make some friends. It'll be good for me too, to interact with people my age and take care of work or my projects. But at the same time, I know we'll miss each other very much, and my heart aches in anticipation.

I think a lot about what it'll be like when you do finally go to school. As hard as it is to imagine for me now, preschool and kindergarten are just a few short years away. I can't wait to watch you learn and grow and start figuring things out about the world. I really look forward to helping you along the way, and teaching you some things of my own. But sometimes I get scared about what else school might bring. Kids can be mean and heartless. I had a hard time in grade school. I worry that it might be the same way for you. I hope, when the time comes, you'll know that you can always count on me and your dad to support you. We're not perfect, but we'll try to help you and advise you in whatever way we can.

For now, I'm glad your problems are never more complicated than "What's that noise?" and "Come play trains with me". I have answers to those problems. And while I've got to try harder to let go a little and make bigger strides towards providing for ourselves a little better, I'm also going to try to take advantage of the time I have with you now. I have the wiggliest, silliest, most energetic, most amazing monster of a toddler, and I've really got to take full advantage of that fact.

Love always,
Mommy