A whole quarter has come and went since my last post. It went by really fast. I seriously don't understand how last quarter could have been so interminable, and this quarter over before I felt it really began.
There's a lot that's been going on. Like I taught for the first (and perhaps last) time this past quarter. My comprehensive exams are coming up at the end of the month, and I'm nowhere near ready, and I'm infinitely behind on my reading. I actually have serious doubts as to whether I'll be able to catch up by the time my exam is scheduled to happen... I've been kind of a slacker this quarter. I think I was still burnt out from the Quarter from Hell when it started, and I haven't really had the chance to recover. That's the general gist of things for now. I might talk about these things later, but for now, I have other things on my mind.
I've been thinking a lot about my skin lately. And how much it frickin' HURTS. I've gotten some prescriptions from my general doctor, which have helped a little bit, but I still have yet to reschedule the biopsy. I was dealing with some pesty infections earlier in the quarter, and a blood sugar scare that we're now pretty certain has to do with the steroid pills I took a few months ago. And amidst all that and school, just didn't really get around to rescheduling. Of course, now I've waited until it's bad enough that I'm almost constantly miserable, so I really have to see a dermatologist ASAP. Not just any doctor now, I need a specialist. I can't seem to get this outbreak under control, and I don't understand why it's being so difficult. And what's frustrating is that now that I understand skin problems a little better, I'm also beginning to understand what quacks I've had for dermatologists these past few years. Or, at least, dermatologists who didn't really care at all about really helping me. If I have eczema (which I'm now thinking - and hoping - is more likely), they could have given me light therapy or taken allergy tests to see what was causing the reaction, and hopefully give me the tools to avoid outbreaks in the future as well as to stop a current outbreak in its tracks. But no, those dermatologists barely even explained the condition to me, gave me steroid creams or shots, and sent me on my way without so much as a follow-up appointment. If I have psoriasis, they could have given me light therapy for that too, or at least explained how serious this condition is. They could've done allergy tests too, because that dermatologist told me I was allergic to all these new things without ever testing to see if that was really the case. But that crazy doctor only wanted to give me her drugs to further her research. I mean, it helped, but it requires me to be dependent on a product that is expensive, hard to obtain, with unreliable availability, and not approved as a prescription medicine. I just wanted my doctors to be honest with me and help me to to manage my condition, not just pump me full of steroids (with its wealth of harmful side effects) so I'm out of their hair for a couple months. I'm so sick of getting the run-around from doctors. I'm tired of being in pain all the time. I'm tired of being an emotional burden on my husband. I'm tired of being so itchy that I claw myself to pieces in my sleep. I just want to lead a relatively normal life. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh, I swore I'd stop complaining so much on this thing. You'd think I was some emo teenager. I guess it's just turning out to be a rough year. I'm trying to be optimistic that things will get better soon. I'm not taking on as much next quarter, so maybe I'll actually have a chance to relax a little and concentrate on getting healthy. I really hope a specialist can help me figure out what I'm allergic to, and if I can avoid it. Especially if it's animal-related, cuz I wanna know if Sam and I will run into any problems with getting a pet. I think having a puppy or kitten would add some balance to my mental well-being. There's something about controlled, innocent chaos that grounds me, somehow. I really miss Powder a lot.
Maybe I need some sleep that's not on the couch with the TV on. Lack of sleep and prickling skin is apparently making me cranky.
2 comments:
I have a freakishly specific suggestion... you're not the only one to claw yourself in your sleep, and after years of working on it, here's something that works for me 95% of the time. Doesn't stop the behavior, but it goes far toward stopping damage from being done.
You can get very cheap white cotton gloves from CVS or whatever your local pharmacy is (like, 2 pairs for $5; they come in a little box from the same aisle as gauze bandages and finger splints). Cut four tiny slits in the gloves, around the wrist. Now go to a pet store and buy a couple of cat or small-dog or ferret collars... thread the collars through the holes you made, and buckle them so that they're loose around the wrist but can't come off your hand. That way you can't get the gloves off in your sleep.
They're not uncomfortable to sleep in, and the gloves are cheap enough to replace after you've washed them a few times and they shrink. Let me know how it goes for you if you try it.
Huh. I might actually try that, though I find I'm strangely dexterous in my sleep! :P Thanks!
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