Letters to Baby, 4

Dear N~,

You turned one year old yesterday! Happy Birthday!

It's hard to believe that a year has gone by, and the tiny slip of a thing that you used to be is now a wiggly, romping little boy. When I think about how much you've changed this last year, and how quickly it went by, I begin to imagine how the following years might be. It doesn't seem that long ago that I married your father, but it's been over 6 years. I still think of myself as a young post-grad, but I graduated college 8 years ago. And while high school is thankfully far behind me, it still doesn't feel like it has really been 12 years since I was there. And this past year... It went by so much faster than all those previous years.

People like to tell me and your dad to enjoy the time we have with you now, because in the blink of an eye, you'll be 18 and heading off to college. We like to roll our eyes whenever someone says it, but when I think about this past year as a new mom, I can see how that's true. I don't want to miss a thing, and it's scary to think how easily I could take it all for granted, and not appreciate the wonderful little person you're turning out to be.

A year ago today, I was in a hospital room in the maternity ward, with an IV stuck in my arm from medicine they gave me for the pre-eclampsia that forced the doctors to induce labor. I was nervous and exhausted and overwhelmed with the prospect of having this tiny new person - only a day old - having to depend on me. I sit here now, rocking you while you sleep in your carrier, no longer nervous about what the future brings. I'm so excited to see you grow up, to see your personality form and emerge. I can't wait for this adventure you're taking me on, and I'm so thankful that I get to see what's to come.

This has been an amazing year, kiddo. It was rough at times trying to learn how to be your mom, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. You've brought me so much joy, in a way that I didn't think was really possible. I know you won't remember any of it, and maybe I'll forget some things over the years, but I won't ever forget this feeling. That I'm so lucky to have a sweet, funny, vibrant, energetic kid like you.

Love always,
Mom