Too Much

School just started, and I'm already completely overwhelmed. I'm honestly not sure how I'll manage this quarter. I already have 2 graduate courses, and an upper division class. But I was concerned that my lack of Japanese fluency would hurt my Master's thesis, so I talked to my sort-of advisor, who insisted that I take a Japanese Advanced Reading course as well. And I'm really kicking myself, because I was registered for this class until about 2 weeks ago, when I dropped it without consulting with my "advisor" to see if I should. I just thought 4 classes would be ridiculous. But now, not only am I taking these 4 classes anyway, I've missed 3 classes for Japanese Reading already! And now I'm really not sure where I'll find the time to read/research/write for my grad classes, read/do projects for my Folklore class, AND read/study for kanji quizzes/do assignments for my Reading class. I'm trying to tell myself that it's only for 9 and a half more weeks, but I have a feeling that the time will go both too fast and too slowly for my liking. So much to do, so little time, but Winter Break could not come fast enough.

So what am I doing here, blogging? I had a minor meltdown earlier this evening, and I couldn't concentrate on reading even if I tried. I'm trying to relax, but nothing's helping. I can't stop freaking out about everything I need to do, and school just started, and on and on. And the irony is, it's making it impossible for me to do what I need to do. Add to all of this the fact that a dear member of my little family died a week ago, and it's just too much for me to handle at once. I really miss Powder terribly, and I'm not sure what can make it any better. I considered going back on our "no pets for a while" decision, but we're just not emotionally ready to have another pet just yet. It wouldn't be fair to the new cat or dog, because we'd still be hung up over Powder's passing. And it would probably backfire on us, because even though pets can be incredible stress relievers, a new pet would need a lot of care and attention and training that I'm just not sure we are capable of. We don't really have time or energy right now. Our attitudes may change once the pain of Powder's passing is less raw. I do really miss having the love and comfort of an animal around. But I can't just get a pet because I'm hurting and stressed. It wouldn't be fair to bring an animal into a household like that.

Sam says to take it a day at a time, and I'm going to try to do that. Or at least a week at a time, so I can plan my time more effectively. Starting tomorrow. Tonight, though, I'm exhausted.